a question or two..

["chenxsi <chenxsi@...>" <chenxsi@...>]

I've read a couple of messages saying that if u enter into emptiness 
of mind from your one-pointed focus, u will get deeper and deeper 
into the true meaning of the point of focus.

But why is it tat i can't feel as if i have gone deeper into the 
meaning of my focus?? I have just started my emptiness of mind 
exercise...is tat the reason why?

Anyway i have this question tat have been confusing me for months. I 
like acting, and often act a lot of charactors, but the problem 
always goes like this---I would first decide upon a charactor to act 
as. I would use the technique actors often use, to Feel, Think & Do, 
meaning to feel what it feels like to be tat charactor (emotions 
etc..), to think of the intent of that charactor, and to simply do 
what u have to do on stage.

Initially, i would be so successful tat i sometimes forgot who i am 
for a while, and simply believe tat i AM tat charactor. However this 
succes is ALWAYS short-lived. After a few days, i would always wake 
up one day, and simply cannot feel or act as tat charactor anymore. 
This is rather frustrating, as people would often wonder why i seem 
to have lost the ability tat i once have.

Observing my mind, there seem to be a "feeling" tat i have lost the 
ability to act, and many thoughts tat suggest tat i have lost the 
ability. I would exclude all these negative thoughts, but in the end 
my mind would be so blank tat i cannot act. Acting requires a 
natural flow of thoughts to my mind, but there seem to be a demon in 
my mind blocking this flow of thoughts to assist in my acting. Can 
someone enlighten me about this??

Sorry for writing so much!

-Near to Insanity