Re: Step I Questions

["Alan Cook" <fish_studios@...>]

Dear Daniel,

>> First, about Thought Control:
When I start the exercise, my mind is a pretty quiet and peaceful
place. Just about nothing transpires inside. After a short while, I
suddenly start getting thoughts like "what should I be thinking
about?", "am I even doing this right?", "the thoughts from before
which did rise were [...].", "perhaps I should ask about this in the
online message board?", "these thoughts seem like thoughts which
describe what I'm observing, and yet I seem to observe them happening
actively in my mind? Does it mean that I'm not observing anymore?".
Indeed, am I doing it right? Am I not the observer anymore once I
start thinking about what I observe, or something like that? <<

Although the only one who can be certain of this is yourself, it does 
seem that you are participating in your thoughts. When your thought 
is: "Does it mean that I'm not observing anymore?", it is probably a 
good indicator that you are no longer observing ;) If you *think* 
about observing than you are participating in the thought about 
observing. However if you *notice* that you have a thought about 
observing than that is fine. The main idea behind this exercise is 
to see what your mind does on a "normal" level. How it works in the 
mundane sense. So you just want to notice the thoughts that arise 
*naturally* in your mind without your help. It's the same as sitting 
down and waiting for an idea, any idea, to pop into your head. You 
then notice what this idea is and let it do whatever it does. 
The "twist" is that you do this for 5 minutes and work up to 10. 
What seems to usually happen is that you get thoughts coming in and 
then fading away. I say "usually" as everyone's mind works a bit 
different.

>> Also, I do not move at all during the exercise (this applies to the
breathing exercise as well); I just lie flat on my bed, with my hands
along my side, and do the exercise. As a result, my body goes
somewhat numb after a very short while, but I'm still very much aware
of it.
Last time I did the breathing exercise, I suddenly started feeling as
if I'm rapidly spinning around myself (although obviously I was
not :) just after the 7th breath. This happened to me before from
time to time, during meditation in which I tried to concentrate on
mentally doing something while my body didn't move and was allowed to
go somewhat numb. <<

I suggest that you give the breathing exercises a try while sitting 
upright in a chair. Really just sitting, doesn't necessarily have to 
be upright. The numbing sensation could be from a lack of 
circulation, as sometimes people will wake up at night and their arm 
maybe numb because it wasn't getting good circulation with the way 
they were sleeping.
The spinning around, my guess (and purely a guess) is that for some 
reason you are becoming disoriented while doing the exercise. I had 
similar experiences when I was a child. While I was lying down I 
could create the sensation that I was being tilted or turning over 
and over, a weightless feeling. The problem was that after a while I 
couldn't control it and so I would just open my eyes. So next time 
it happens try and control it when it first starts. If you can, then 
you created the sensation. If you can't, just open your eyes :) 
Also, the next time it happens you can break from your exercise and 
explore the sensation and try and find what causes it.
Another possibility is that you might be altering your normal 
breathing cycle. As this would affect the flow of oxygen and could 
create a disoriented effect, I just did it to test this out :) So 
make sure you are breathing normally.

>> Last time I did the thought control exercise, I heard a very loud 
and disturbing pop, although I'm almost completely sure it wasn't a 
real sound.
What does it all mean? <<

I can't help you there. I'd suggest exploring it if it happens again.

>> As for the breathing and Eucharistic exerices:
Before now, I used to think about my wish in words (e.g. "I bless
this soup with willpower. I have a tremendous force of will. I can
resist all temptations, [etc]."
I felt that is needed, because I found out that I don't exactly have
a complete internal definition for the word "willpower", so I had to
clarify what exactly did I mean.
Now, when I bless my food/before each breath, I visualize the
following 2 short scenes: I'm in bed, under a comfy blanket, and the
alarm clock rings. I turn it off, and continue sleeping. A big red X
appears on the image. Then, I'm in bed again, and the alarm clock
rings. Instead of turning it off, I rise, and go to do my business. A
big green V appears.
Then, while eating/circulating the breath in my body, I continue to
verbally hold/repeat the thought just like before.
I feel that this is much better, as I know ~exactly~ what I mean,
instead of that ambigous (to me) "willpower".
Is that okay? <<

I'm going to say that it is "sort of" okay ;) In order to integrate 
or transmute a trait you must hold a clear idea of the essential 
meaning of that trait. What it means for your life, how it will 
effect your life, etc. I don't think I could *describe* what "I am 
motivated" meant to me, but I *know* what it means. There's a 
difference there. If you *know* what saying "I possess an 
unshakeable will" means to you, you don't have to describe it. You 
formulate that meaning and impress it into you food, water, etc.

Hope this helps some.

All Will Go Well,
--Alan