First 3 steps- questions-experience-clarification

["setiamon" <setiamon@...>]

I have generaly been involved with meditation and mystism for awhile
now but strickly regarding bardons system and meaning even after
reading over relevent area's of iih I still don't FULLY comprehend how
the first 3 steps should be,I'll try and explain in full and hope rawn
and group can clarify the nuances

1 step detachment,one is supposed to center oneself and not get lost
in thought trains,The question is how exactly?when a thought train
starts outside of my detached state my mind naturaly travels with the
thoughttrain even while maintaining a centered conciousness,if i
completly center myself that would cease the thoughttrains and be no
different then the 3rd excercise of emptyness of thoughts.DOes this
step mearly mean not to lose all of ones self to the external sphere
of thoughts?is it okay to let some of myself move with the thought
train as long as the totality of my will isn't asorbed into it?


2 one pointedness of mind:I have been doing image oriented meditation
for nearly a decade now but if i understand reading previous post this
isn't what it means(suprise to me) and that i should be only
meditating on the underlining thought-seed or thoughtpattern,the thing
is automaticly when i think of a thought the image appears in my
mind(maybe as a byproduct of years of visualization excercises)
I supress the image aspect of the thought to a greater degree but its
always there in the darkness behind the boarder illuminated by its own
light,Infact I expereince it like standing infront of a room with many
halls(being the unconciouss) extending out from the
thought(metaphoricly of course) each hall leading to a seperate
sense-information room,like image,smells,sounds,texture,taste and so
forth,the question is do I supress the halls the best i can and mearly
focus on the thought?I could use a more nuanced discription of this part

3 emptyness of mind,When supressing thoughts i find my awareness
shifts to subtler things,not thoughts but aspects of my body and not
mearly the physical one,for instance i feel the tensions of energy in
me,the nadi's energy has in the past been channeled threw,as well as
the tides/current movements i find it diffacult to supress this
awareness but when i do i meet the biggest stubling block (fear) and
the uncharted territory beyond that...

I find that at a point fear manifest as shadowy presence outside of my
body infact its almost like my energy or aura is being streched off of
my body and being formed into slight presences,shadowy presence which
i find very diffacult to ignore so much that i tend to open my eyes
and see these images,usually shadowy figures of men,I did the
soulmirrors deal and long since symbolized my fear as the water
element,weak and vulnerable feeling,so i try and visualize myself as
fire etc and it does cut some of the tension,but i need this part
illuminated better by someone who's crossed this fear area...
also I'v had other negative presence experiences when fear hasn't
arisen in my mind in meditation,very strange and negative ones for
instance once i was meditating and i felt like my conciousness was
streched out of my body(its happend before but usually i don't see
anything)This time it was like i was biten and i saw something that
looked like a human figure except its mouth was circular with razor
teeth and its eyes were physicaly human but the "LOOK" in them was
completly inhuman if you know what i mean..people i'v talked to have
said it was probably a leech or parasitical entity drawn by the
incressed energy I was giving off do to my concentration,and i'v done
the recommendations such as sheild visualization,banishing,charged oil
on the walls etc but i have no way of telling if its worked or
not(certainly don't feel any safer)I'v also had experiences when i'v
not been in meditation i experienced over a period of days a
oppressive presence come into my room,i experience a sudden feeling
thats hard to express like my inner will is being "pushed" on and then
one night when i was just relaxing i felt this strong presence come
over me like a blanket it was intense like a Will was crushing me and
trying to crush my will and invade me i literally became paralyized
like when i'v entered trances but this was caused by this presence it
its like i was fighting aginst this thing for a few minutes,till it
came off me like a blanket of strong pressure,I have no idea what this
was although it didn't "Feel" like the fear emanations i encounter
when going past stage 3.I hate to say it but it was like it was trying
to possess me,Anyone know what it was i experienced?

back to stage 3.past the fear emanations I encounter a strange new
field,its like first i experiences energy/pressure being released in
my body in various centers and I feel my concioussness sink down
inward then suddenly i feel/experience my conciousness being shifted
somewhere else,strangly anuff its places i'v been to like my old home
town,but i'm just strange places like in the middle of the street or
sidewalk,sometimes i appear in various places around this house,Its
not like a memory because i feel myself there althought lighter i feel
my body,arms etc...also there doesn't seem to be any motion like
cars,people,etc although i don't usually spend more then a minute
there before shifting my conciousness back into my body....The best i
can guess is that this is my mental body???I'm not sure what i should
do at this point..


Anyhow I'm open to others experiences of the 3 steps and such

thanks