Re: Problems in Eom

["Martin" <stultus@...>]

Dear Joel,

I was moved to reply to your message, because I can relate to how 
you are feeling. It took me a long time to achieve EOM (and I still 
have a long way to go with it) and I went through various stages 
during that time. 

Originally, I realized that I too had rushed through the previous 
mental exercises and so started over and spent quite a long time 
mastering those to the extent necessary. Then I returned to the EOM 
exercise and felt that I had more solid foundations to work with. 

It took me another fairly long stretch of time to then get to a 
point where I could "tap into" that silence, or absence of thoughts 
that Rawn mentioned more times than I couldn't. But before I arrived 
at that point, I went through periods of being very frustrated, 
angry, doubting myself, beating myself up about it, not caring, 
feeling like giving up, not knowing what I felt... etc etc. With 
hind sight that was great! I was dealing with emotional issues at 
the same time as I was taking tiny steps forward with the EOM 
exercise. 

The Step One mental exercises taught me to be a little more patient, 
a little more detached, a little more willful and a little more 
positive. I stopped reaching out frantically towards some abstract, 
emotionally-tinged future goal (to the point where I was getting 
frustrated if I did not perceive some success every time I sat down 
to meditate), and changed my mind set to one of "Oh well, I'm going 
to practise this exercise twice a day when possible and enjoy what I 
get out of it each time and know that I am moving forward even if it 
does not seem like it and keep at it even if it means it takes me 
years and years, because at the very least it allows me time each 
day to relax and centre myself." (Not a very catchy affirmation, I 
know!)

For me personally, achieving EOM feels like a balance between 
intense focus and detachment. There is a sensation of tapping into 
something greater than/outside of my own small mental processes. 

The first times that I experienced it, my physical body would tense 
and I would have to make a conscious effort to relax it, my heart 
would beat faster, I would feel a strong surge of "energy" 
throughout my body, then I would experience a very powerful and pure 
sensation of Joy and Peacefulness and Oneness which was amazing, but 
I had to let that go too and not cling on to it. Then at a certain 
point it was as if something else took over and I no longer had to 
fight to keep my mind clear.

The other piece of advice that I would like to offer from my own 
experience is: don't over-analyse it! Just practise every day... and 
you know you *can* find time every day, even just ten minutes in the 
morning and ten at night... but do you really *want* to or are you 
scared that if you do commit to that you will fail at it?? The only 
way to fail is by not doing the exercises, not sticking with it.

Once you have the basics sorted out and a routine going, don't 
assume that you are doing something wrong if you are not successful 
as soon as you would like. I would sometimes hear a voice in my head 
telling me how stupid I must be for not being able to sit and clear 
my mind for 5 or 10 minutes; I just started to laugh when that 
thought entered my head and stuck firmly to my belief that I had to 
be persistent and detach myself from any negative thoughts or 
feelings.

So, in conclusion (I'm a bullet point person):

*Establish a routine (morning and evening)
*Be persisent (but don't beat yourself up if you miss the odd 
session here and there)
*Try to detach yourself from negative thoughts and feelings 
concerning your practice
*Know that you are always moving forwards even when it doesn't seem 
like it

I wish you all the best with it!

:-)
Martin