>> I have been gradually working through the Step One exercises, and I find myself at a stalemate of sorts. I could easily make time for meditation/introspection every morning before starting my daily routine. However, I find that even with the alarm, I can't seem to get up and get it underway. I've read the available materials in this forum, the Magi forum, and Rawn's commentaries, and while I find all of it immensely helpful, I have progressed no further. I agree that there is a blockage, but I can't seem to determine what it is. I've run through everything I can think (and not think) of to no avail. Perhaps as I progress through the mirror work, I will stumble upon this thing that is holding me back. Can anyone provide a personal observation that is similar to this? And if so, what type of blockage was it attributed to? <<
For me it had to do with several factors, primary among them was a fear of actually transforming myself into the person I knew I could become. It felt very "safe" being the "old" Ron and somehow less safe to live as the "new" Rawn. For me this manifested as a certain "laziness" in regard to arising early to perform the exercises and left me feeling as though the exercises were a burden, a drudgery that I began to dread. Never before had I been so "tired" in the morning and so unable to answer the alarm clock's call! ;-)
And, like you, at the time I was unable to figure out what the problem was. So I decided to stop worrying about the *cause* and work instead at a *solution*. What I did was adopt a couple of the Step Two techniques and tried my best to change the habit I had developed of not getting up in the morning, into a habit of getting up every morning. I developed a positive affirmation in order to reprogram my subconscious responses and repeated it as Bardon directed, each night as I was falling asleep and each morning *right after the alarm went off*. The gist of my affirmation was that each morning I awake eager to perform my exercises. I also increased my sense of eagerness through meditation and, of course, kept up my meditation in which I sought out the root cause of my difficulty. I firmly resolved to get myself out of bed when the alarm went off!!!
In less than a week, I was in the habit of actually getting up when the alarm went off, full of eagerness and energy for my exercises. It was at that point that my commitment to pursuing the work of IIH became unshakeable. :) And shortly thereafter I came to understand the underlying factors which contributed to my original difficulty.
My best to you,
:) Rawn Clark
05 Oct 2004