>> As a FB practitioner I try to "control" my thoughts as much as I can and especially the ones that could harm others. But, I've had a terrible and horrible noisy neighbor who moved in 2 years ago in the apartment just above mine. I feel so frustrated as I have tried every solution and furthermore, as I have just said, it is absolutely impossible for me to move from my place. <<
When you cannot change an external circumstance, then you must focus upon your own internal response. What I see here as being the crux of the matter is the anger that this other person's rude, inconsiderate behavior elicits within you. This is the only thing you really have power over -- your own reaction. Moving would, of course, be the easiest temporary solution, but then what happens the next time you get a similarly rude neighbor? Do you keep moving? In other words, you must find a solution that will work for you in every situation such as this.
Antagonistic relationships require the participation of two people. When this person is too loud, you respond with irritation and anger. These are the two factors: her action and your reaction. Obviously you cannot control her action, so you must control your own reaction.
This is difficult because you are experiencing a normal reaction to her annoying action, but a magician must step beyond the normal reaction to things and develop their own, consciously chosen reactions. In other words, a magician's actions should not be dictated by the actions of others.
Here is what I recommend:
#1) Look on this situation as an opportunity for your own personal growth. This is your testing ground, your classroom.
#2) Forgive yourself for responding with anger and then let go of your anger. Your anger does not serve you.
#3) Forgive your neighbor for her inconsideration. She is not doing this to intentionally annoy you. She is incapable of feeling responsibility for the effect her actions have on you. This is sad when people are this blind. She is truly a pitiful character, deserving more your love and compassion than your anger. Surround her with your love, instead of with your anger. Make this your gift to her and to the universe. Transform your anger at her, into loving concern for her.
#4) You must learn how to overcome the fact that her noise (or any external force, for that matter) is able to distract you. This requires two actions:
a: You must learn to disregard your physical senses. For this I recommend my "Center of Stillness Meditation". From the basic CSM technique you can learn how to separate yourself from interruptive sounds, thoughts, sensations, etc. With practice, you can learn how retain your willed focus, no matter what transpires around you. At its root however, is the following.
b: You must separate your emotional response from the distraction itself, and control your emotional response. This is what makes the distraction so overpowering. Essentially, with your emotion, you empower and magnify the distraction's power over your state of mind. It is up to you to sever this link. When you do not allow an emotional reaction to lead you, then the event that would otherwise elicit that reaction will not possess the power to distract you. In other, more practical terms, if you do not respond to your neighbor's noise with anger, then this noise will not feel bothersome, it will only be just another noise among many.
This is the magic you must perform on yourself. If you perform any magic on your neighbor, let it only be with the aim to promote her own personal growth. Never act magically out of spite, anger or hatred. Base your magical work on love alone. For example, how about visualizing that your neighbor learn the lesson of kindness to, and consideration for, others. Furthermore, that she learn this lesson in a pleasant way, one that slips into her psyche without suffering or pain. Perhaps you can be the model of this for her . . .
>> Anyway, the other night she one more time woke me up at 23h59 and this was too much. So, even though I know I shouldn't have done it, I "threw" at her terrible thoughts of anger that I wanted to hit her bad. I was so furious that I used my energy against this person who has no respect for me (no thoughts of death were sent anyway). <<
#1) In your imagination, go back to that moment and withdraw your sending of harmful, angry thoughts. Suck them back into yourself and, in your mind, apologize for sending them. This will disarm any power they may still retain.
#2) What follows may sound a bit odd, but it works wonders! Go to a local secondhand store and purchase a set of cheap ceramic dinner plates. Buy something really inexpensive. Next, find a place where you can, in privacy, safely break these plates without damaging anything and where you will be able to easily clean up any mess of shattered pottery. Now take your collection of plates to this place and center yourself. Focus your mind on the anger you hold for this person. Now be absolutely certain to separate the feeling of anger from this individual and focus entirely on the anger itself and not the person. Turn your mind away from the person and focus entirely upon your own anger. When you have touched the raw anger itself in this way, release it by breaking each and every one of the plates you purchased. Really get into it. Yell, scream, grunt, jump up and down, whatever it takes to express it fully. Release your anger entirely through this act of harmless violence. Let this be the physical expression of all the anger you hold. Let this wash the anger from you and watch it drain entirely away. Cleanse yourself completely!
When you feel that you have spent the pent up anger, sit quietly and review what has just transpired. A little banishing of all negativity and an invocation of positivity at this point would be wise. When you are satisfied, begin cleaning up the mess you've made. Make sure every tiny bit of broken pottery is swept up and placed in a bag. Now take this bag of broken pottery and dispose of it. As you release it from your hand, sever any remaining link with this anger. Dispose of it completely. Turn your mind to other things and walk away.
For this little ritual of releasing, you must act without reservation. Therefore, it is best if you have absolute privacy so that there will not be the inhibiting worry in the back of your mind as to whether someone will hear you or observe you. This detail is important since it's normally very difficult for us westerners to reach this state of cathartic abandon when we are observed by others.
I hope this advice is helpful to you. The simplest solution is still that of moving, but if the problem of moving is truly greater than the problem of the continued disturbance of this antagonism with your inconsiderate neighbor, then I see no alternative other than looking within your own self.
My best to you,
:) Rawn Clark
19 Nov 2001