Recurring fear

[Newbieonekenhobby <newbieonekenhobby@...>]

After 1-2 weeks working on the first exercise of the
first level (!), I was obliged to recognize that a
peculiar, specific and recurring problem was
preventing a "full scale concentration" during my
practice.

This problem is a fear of being disrupted or assaulted
during the exercise (even if I'm alone in my flat),
which obliges me to keep a certain portion of my mind
observing and watching, the result being that only
60-80 % of my consciousness are allocated to the
exercise, while the rest is "expecting something to
happen". 

Physical assaults and disruptions took place in the
past I must say (outside meditations, but frequently
when I was quiet), so my "strategy" became to be
always alert, with the "alarm switched <on>". 
I know this sounds quite pathological, but I need to
solve it - and I'm gonna solve it this time. 

In the past, the fact that I was fearing something
each time I meditated had a funny side-effect, meaning
that I learned to reach alpha level and deeper quite
rapidly (getting eyes movements etc.) as well as
coming back earlier than the other students. Although
I had good results from my visualizations, all this
doesn't help me now when practicing the Bardon system,
which implies staying in the exercise a fixed amount
of time. 

...And I realize now that I was never 100 % in my
previous practices, regardless of what I may have
believed at that time, and that this fear was present
at the back of my mind all the time - even outside my
meditations. Always unconsciously looking above my
shoulder, so to speak. 

I obviously tried to look at the elements-related
components (Fire and Air and Water maybe, not to speak
about Earth :-), but I have problems determining what
belongs to the cause, to the effect, and especially
what the cure is :-)

How can I solve that ? How can I suppress that fear ? 

Many thanks
NB


__________________________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Plus - Powerful. Affordable. Sign up now.
http://mailplus.yahoo.com