Re: [BardonPraxis] Hulk-size anger.

["Rawn Clark" <rawnclark@...>]

Dear NB,

>> What solution do I have (apart thought control) to get rid of an
overwhelming feeling of injustice vis-a-vis a bad mark I got at an exam
recently (...although I passed the exam) ?
I even have stomach aches and can hardly get asleep on the evening.
I feel *excessively* rejected, inferior, blahblah.
I jump as soon as I close the eyes to meditate. Cannot continue like
this, otherwise I'll become a kangaroo :-) <<

I'd suggest isolating yourself in a room and putting on the "Center of
Stillness Meditation" CD. Let it lead you to that place where you feel
detachment from the circumstances of your physical reality and where you
"look down at" your mundane self. From that perspective of the
Individual Self, you will perceive how absurd the intensity of what
you're feeling really is and how little it actually serves you.

>> The worse is that I know I'm acting (or rather, feeling) stupidely.
I'm the one allowing or creating an impact on me. But I can't help doing
as I do, at this stage. <<

Bull Droppings! ;-) Stop telling yourself that you "can't help doing
as I do". This is a very self-destructive habit since it's absolutely
untrue. You *can* because *you* are the one directing this show.

>> In possible relationship, I had a sort of hint when I just read in
IIH's further steps (I'm flipping through the pages to get motivation)
at the top of p. 229 : "Therefore it would be fundamentally wrong to
indulge in the past and to regret every unpleasantness that fate has
placed in your path. Only weaklings constantly complain and expect
pity". <<

;-) "Possible" relationship??? ;-) ;-) ;-) Look to the paragraph
that preceeds the one you quoted, at the bottom of p.228 (Merkur):

"A true magician accepts life the way it is presented to him; he
enjoys the good and he learns from the evil and he is never despondent.
A magician knows his own weaknesses and will make every effort to
eliminate them. He will not entertain any thoughts of remorse, because
they are negative thoughts and therefore they must be avoided. It
suffices to acknowledge one's faults and never to relapse."

That last sentence is most pertinent . . .

>> "My" Tipharet is maybe sending me a message with His/Her usual
amenity. <<

:) Of course!

>> At the same time, I realise all this may be a trip in the past due to
my recent introspection : this feeling was almost my "raw material" when
I was between 10-20 old. But it does not tell me how I can break this
auto-feeding vicious circle. <<

It might not be like actually shouting it in your ear, but it *is*
"telling you". Obviously because of your introspective work, the
universe is sending you this opportunity to understand the lesson
inherent to this aspect of your personality structure. This is a very
common product of the introspection work and the work of character
transformation. When you stir the pot, what's hidden below will rise to
the surface, especially when that pot sits atop the fire of
introspection!

Each time one of the items from your Soul Mirror reflects this strongly
in your present moment life circumstances, give it all of your attention
and approach it in a balanced, clear headed and calm manner. Take it in
*fully* and examine it very, very carefully. Look with special care at
that *!REACT!* urge that this issue raises within you, for it can speak
volumes to you.

This is an opportunity for advancement being offered to you on a silver
platter. It's a boon! ;-)

>> And since I'm at it : what should I do when my consciousness tells me
to use tricks to help me going through certains exercises, and that I
find those tricks as exercises a few levels further in IIH, a few days
later ? May I still proceed ? <<

What does your *conscience* (not consciousness) tell you?

My best to you,
:) Rawn Clark
28 Jul 2003
rawnclark@...
rawn@...
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