Dear RM, Some folks just have a natural immunity to Hermeticitis and Kabbalitis! The Step One and Two mental exercises often seem bleak. If the desire to make it through that bleakness is strong, then one makes it through to the point where those techniques erupt with infinite possibility. But if that sense of bleakness is stronger than the desire to persevere, then that eruption of possibilities is not reached. >From your description of your reaction I sense that your aversion is constitutional, as opposed to a matter of laziness or self-sabotage. Indeed, this sounds the opposite of self-sabotage and is more likely your higher Self turning you toward the "right" direction for *you*. A very important part of following one's own true Path is learning what *doesn't* work. :) I think you already know, or at least have contact with, what *will* take you where you want to go and by a method that is more suitable to you. My best to you as always, :) Rawn Clark 08 Aug 2003 rawnclark@... rawn@... http://www.ABardonCompanion.com http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BardonPraxis http://E.webring.com/hub?ring=arionthebardonwe PS: I finished reading "Myriam and the Mystic Brotherhood" and will write to you with my thoughts, when I get the time. :)