Re: transition to step two?

["David Yeh" <ldreamr@...>]

Hi Stephen,

Yeah, I'm just becoming aware of how elusive the emptiness of mind 
practice is for me because I bring an agenda to my practice -- 
I "chase" emptiness. When I achieve small moments of it I crow my 
triumph to myself and of course I lose it then. So I get frustrated 
which starts the whole cycle over again.

I definitely do not "want" to be mindful. I mean sometimes I really 
struggle against it. When I eat I would rather read or talk than 
focus on my food, much less imagine myself taking in a wish. I 
speculate that this has something to do with feeling uncomfortable at 
meals with my family when I was younger. I think when I tell 
myself, "Okay, David, you can't do these other fun things like read 
or talk, you have to not think of anything but this wish," I react as 
if I were being coerced. And who would want to let himself be 
coerced.

It seems that I need to tackle these feelings, otherwise I won't be 
able to progress.


David


--- In BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com, "Stephen Miller" 
<qwertyguy3@h...> wrote:
> For me Step One and Step Two have been a continuous, very 
frustrating, but 
> always interesting cycle. The visualization exercises have become 
a sort of 
> exam to see how I'm doing on character transformation. I had very 
little 
> trouble with the Step One mental exercises, but when it came to the 
Step Two 
> exercises, I had no luck at all when what seemed to be mental 
control turned 
> out to be in part due to repressed emotions. The most important 
thing is to 
> stay introspective. Remember that the mental chatter depends on 
emotions to 
> sustain itself. For some reason, some part of yourself does not 
want to be 
> mindful at the moment. I can possibly give some tips of you want 
to 
> describe your problem more.
> 
> Stephen M.