Doubts about the path

["David Yeh" <ldreamr@...>]

I have a number of questions I would like to put forward to you all, 
particularly the experienced practitioners like Rawn. Your feedback 
and guidance would be very welcome.

I am feeling some basic doubts with regards to the Hermetic path.

First of all, it seems to me that Bardon gave a sort of bare-bones 
outline in IIH of what is needed to achieve each step. But what 
about the particulars of the technique or instruction? The language 
he uses in the Step One exercise about vacancy of mind, for instance, 
is very forceful, i.e. suppress your thoughts. But what I've 
gathered, particularly from exploring writings of systems such as 
Buddhism that really focus on the natural emptiness of mind, is that 
you can't really fight the mind. You have to let go and be mindful, 
or you have to "love your ego to death" or something like that. So 
right there is one thing where I think, "Hmm, I can't quite trust 
Bardon." If I start to distrust Bardon in Step One, what does that 
mean for the rest of the course?

Further, Rawn mentions on his website that Bardon doesn't really 
mention, except in a couple of sentences, that EOM is meant to be 
practiced throughout the ten steps. It is implied. Well, what else 
is implied that isn't set out in so many words? So how can I trust 
it?

Moreover, what is the goal of the Hermetic path? In Buddhism it 
seems that the goal is very simple: be enlightened. I am unsure what 
the goal is in Hermetics. If it is self-transformation and mastery, 
what is the purpose of developing all of those powers? I came to 
Bardon while trying to explore the practice of astral projection and 
needing more of a spiritual framework for it instead of doing it for 
recreation. Now I flip ahead in IIH and encounter a multitude of 
things that I will ostensibly be focusing my energy on, like magic 
mirrors and rituals and mental wandering. To me they are very 
tempting in terms of ego, though I know that supposedly by the time I 
reach the stage where those things are possible, I will have attained 
a degree of mastery that will eliminate that. Well what is the point 
of the powers in the first place? Why not, as some Buddhists teach, 
ignore all of it, because all phenomena are illusion, and place the 
focus simply on being awake in the moment?

Also, there are lineages in Buddhism that are unbroken going back a 
few thousand years. There are teachers around and available with 
whom one can meditate and learn. Hermetics by comparison seems new 
and obscure and perhaps immature? Where are the guides and the 
wisdom teachings handed down over hundreds of years? Obviously I 
don't know much about it but I would appreciate someone enlightening 
me.

One answer might be to practice Bardon and also seek out Buddhist 
teachers to help with some concepts. But I think it is really hard 
to have two teachers at one time. Something has got to give.

I do think that part of it for me is the unfamiliar complexity. The 
four elements, three bodies, the Hebrew words and Qabalistic terms 
and talk of elementals that people bandy around. This is all very 
new to me and somewhat overwhelming. I know that part of my doubt is 
that I would rather retreat to something familiar. I take a look 
inside the Kybalion and my mind starts to shut down from the sheer 
overload of unfamiliar forms of information.

But a part of me also wonders, isn't this unnecessarily complex? I 
guess that would, again, depend on the goal. If the goal of 
Theravadan Buddhism is simply enlightenment, then it is simple enough 
to go live in a monastery and work on being mindful of everything 
that arises in yourself. If the goal of Christianity is to feel 
God's love, then one simply must open oneself to it. I hope someone 
can tell me what Hermetics is about to them, because right now I 
still have this idea in my head that magick is about power over 
things in the world, rather than harmony with the world. That idea 
is very attractive and, as such, I think, dangerous to me if what I 
really seek is freedom. But I also know, from writings by Rawn and 
William Mistele among others, that that's not necessarily the case ...

I would like to say that MY goal is to live life fully, both by 
removing the things in me that block my way to the Divine, and by 
expressing myself and exploring the wonders and mysteries of the 
world.

So I'm begging for answers to my questions:
Isn't a path like Hermetics, strewn with many possibilities for power 
and abuse of power, also prone to abuse of self and self-delusion? 
Doesn't it focus unnecessarily on methods of control rather than 
methods of communion? Would it not be simpler to give up the power 
and focus on experiencing the Divine, with paths like Buddhism?

I hope that no one takes offense at my questions, they are posed in a 
spirit of honest inquiry.


Thanks,
David