Re: [BardonPraxis] Socialization

[Lidia Avseeva <lidia_av@...>]

Dear Daniel,
 
People normally distance themselves from the ones who are different from them. 
Friends are those who have quite a lot in common. If you change yourself 
significantly in the process of character transformation, and the 
friendsremember you as you were before the transformation, and they do not 
change, the common points between you and them will reduce.
 
If you would like to keep the friendship, you do not need to imitate 
anger/other unwanted feelings against your conscious will, just to be *like 
them*. This alone is unlikely to make people distant from you. But when you 
begin to tell them about *negative emotions*, *transformation of emotions* 
etc.this is where they become disturbed and distanced. What happens is you push 
them towards changes in their character which they do not want. It is difficult 
to make a self-change in oneself provided consciousness and commitment. It is 
far more difficult to make changes in others when they want no change. They 
will simply resist and their resistance will result in them getting distant 
from you.
 
So what you can do to keep the friendship is to behave up to your high 
standards and be tolerant to *negative emotions* of the friends. You may say 
'It's all right you get angry. This reflects your inner truth. Although my 
inner truth in this situation would be not to get angry.' In other words you 
can make people change only indirectly, by demonstrating high standards in your 
own behaviour.  
 
Wishing you all the best,
 
Lidia     

Daniel Gutmanas <noxerus@...> wrote:
Dear Friends,

Recently, there appeared a problem which I keep repeatedly 
encountering. Whenever I am with a person who gets (for example) 
angry at something, for whatever reason, I help them calm down and 
relax. After that, they usually ask me if I think they did okay by 
getting angry. I tell them that I see anger as a perfectly natural 
reaction, especially in the situation they were in. Then, follows 
the problematic question: "do you think it would have been better 
not to get angry?"
I cannot lie to them, and I tell them that I do believe that anger 
is a negative reaction, and it is better to be able to transform 
that anger, but in no way does it make their reaction less natural.
After that, I usually get called "non-empathic, not-exactly-human-in-
a-weird-way", etc. The same thing usually follows an event when 
I "should have" gotten angry, but reacted in a completely different 
way. People find that the standards I've set for myself are 
unnaturally high, and for some reason, they distance themselves from 
me because of that.

As much as social alienation is a price I am willing to pay for 
Initiation, it's a price I firmly believe should not be on the 
pricetag!
These people are my friends, and are close and dear to me. I can't 
deceive them by acting out my old negative features, but as I don't, 
they find it disturbing.. Is there anything I should change in 
myself, that I oversighted in this whole thing?

I would very much appreciate any opinion, from anyone.

Sincerely,
Daniel Gutmanas



---------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links

To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BardonPraxis/
  
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
BardonPraxis-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. 


                
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Photos: High-quality 4x6 digital prints for 25¢

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]