Re: What does it mean to become noble concerning passions?

[luxmagus@...]

Hi Lori,
I greatly enjoyed your post. Again it is nice to see a person 
facing the same struggles as I am. I understand completely about 
that magical split second realization that you are about to have a 
failing. You have just a moment to prepare yourself for a negative 
reaction and that preparation can give you a better option, a choice 
toward a different and better direction for you life. I am 
especially getting the warning now when people start to make me 
angry. I can see the emotion starting to bubble up through the 
layers to the surface. Then I have that moment where I catch myself, 
and I imagine the negative event impacting me no more than a leaf 
settling upon a serene pond. Just a tiny ripple and then it is gone. 
The work is so much more ecstatic and wonderful than I had expected. 
I thought the mirror work would be nothing but one immense struggle. 
It is difficult work, but the rewards are much more than I 
anticipated. 
I look forward to what Rawn mentioned about catching yourself even 
earlier in the process and eventually eliminating the tendency 
altogether. 
I was concerned that many of my negative flaws actually have a 
positive contribution to my personality. In other words there is 
something valuable in the flaw, a hidden agenda that over the long 
run is positive. Perhaps some behaviors are there to teach me to 
have more fun, or quit taking things so seriously etc. However the 
behavior is still a quality I do not wish to have and is a part of 
my shadow, so it will be dealt with in due time. I am looking very 
carefully at trying to find what the negative behaviors are trying 
to teach me about myself, and perhaps adding in additional positive 
habits to my white mirror....purposely developing them in myself, in 
order to fulfill these needs. 
Your post was most eloquent and beautiful Lori, 
Thanks and Blessings,....and oh yeah....Go tribe;-)
Jerry




--- In BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com, "Lori V Weber" <lorivw@s...> 
wrote:
> I used to think I had difficulty with the step 2 introspection 
because I
> honestly believed there wasn't much wrong. And what's amazing is 
that I
> really believed this AFTER listing all the 100+ soul mirror 
traits. So
> my ambitious strategy was to tackle one sin a day for just over 
100 days
> and - ta da! - become a saint. I wasn't going to let anything or 
anyone
> bother me. And this approach would have worked just fine if I'd 
never
> left my house. However, I have two jobs and a bevy of kids and 
needed
> to go out quite a bit. 
> 
> 
> 
> And then, when I was literally sweating my way through the painful
> process of discovering (not exactly learning, but truly seeing for 
the
> first time) that 100 days wasn't going to cut it, the gods 
presented me
> with a few gifts. Although I was oblivious to their value at the 
time,
> I encountered a few folks who make Sr. Mary Elephant (from the 
Blues
> Brothers movie) look like Mother Theresa. One person loved to 
berate
> all his subordinates in front of anyone who was available. There 
were a
> few others, but this particular guy became one of my biggest 
teachers,
> albeit unknowingly. Sometimes it's still hard to thank him in
> meditations, but if it wouldn't have been for him, I would never 
have
> figured out that I needed to do more mirror work, and approach it 
a bit
> more realistically. 
> 
> 
> 
> The only thing that works for me is to develop a habit of catching
> myself slipping. Yes, it's nice to know which element is out of 
whack,
> but I think that may be secondary to just noticing my response to
> whatever seemingly external event is irking me. I'm still not 
there,
> but simply seeing a chain of events begin to unfold - to trigger
> dark-mirror responses - can be enough to stop the problem from ever
> happening. I used to actually believe that a defensive and sulky
> response was perfectly justified (and sometimes I still do!) when
> certain things would happen - usually when someone yelled at me at 
work
> or when my baseball team lost a game or when the toilet was 
overflowing
> because someone flushed an action figure, or when a piece of good 
work
> got shot down by another boss. 
> 
> 
> 
> I wasn't ready to deal with the big root problem of my response.
> Sometimes I still can't, but these days I can sit down with my dark
> mirror and not want to get rid of it; instead I can look at things 
and
> ask myself what can I do to change them? So, I'd take one aspect 
of my
> reaction. Just one. And I'd tell myself to be on guard all day 
long
> for the feeling of . whatever (say, sulky - but it could be 
anything).
> And then I'd look for the antecedent. What made me feel that 
way? What
> was the mental issue? What were my emotions? What was I doing
> physically to process it? If I could get to my notebook with my 
mirror,
> I'd write it down. If not, I'd just hold it in my awareness for 
awhile
> and ask myself why this response was occurring. And it was 
unbelievable
> to me, but I found that I could change my response. Of all the 
Bardon
> work in IIH - heck, of all the school work I'd ever done - this 
was the
> most amazing thing that I've ever learned. When I'd meditate on 
that
> one thing, I could see a pattern that would kinda work like a 
domino
> effect on bunches of other dark reactions. And all because all I 
did
> was notice. However, I don't think any amount of meditating on my
> mirror would have helped me unless it had been coupled with those 
awful
> experiences. 
> 
> 
> 
> There are some aspects that are so painful to deal with that it's 
hard
> to tackle them as "the big things" - in and of themselves. And 
that's
> why I think a typical reaction is to overanalyze them. When I'd 
read
> through my mirror, especially early on, I'd see so much ka ka that 
I'd
> close it and just think about how much better I was than everyone 
else.
> ;-) ;-) ;-) So, I'd see everything I thought I needed to change 
and
> then I'd see these problems in everyone around me. Of course, I 
knew I
> had these issues too, but remember, I didn't think I was all that 
bad.
> This goes back to my "100-sins-in-100-days approach." Doing the 
work
> required me to see my warts without then turning them into a false 
badge
> of honor. And one of the things that I needed was to let go of
> processing them. On one hand, I needed to look at them, but on the
> other, I really didn't want to see them. And then I needed to 
learn to
> just quietly sit with one reaction - just one - and trace it back 
to
> where it came from. I've found that even though it was not easy to
> scrutinize myself, it even became possible to watch my reaction to 
how I
> scrutinized, and I found that pining over my faults could take on 
its
> own need to be let go. Just because something is on the mirror's 
dark
> side, doesn't mean it's bad in itself. It's just there until I 
figure
> out how to use it. And I'm still doing a lot of figuring ;-)
> 
> 
> 
> I didn't mean to ramble so long, but there seem to be a lot of 
postings
> about mirror work and introspection. As someone who's greatly 
benefited
> from this phase of IIH, I'd just like to offer encouragement to 
keep
> doing it.
> 
> lori
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Rawn Clark [mailto:rawnclark@n...] 
> Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2005 1:00 PM
> To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
> Subject: Re: [BardonPraxis] Re: What does it mean to become noble
> concerning passions?
> 
> 
> 
> Dear Ravi,
> 
> >> If at anytime you feel i am belaoring a fairly obvious point , 
please
> feel free to say so. <<
> 
> It does concern me that this discussion has centered so much around
> 'what if's and around what *others* *might* encounter but not about
> *your* own experience of these matters. This, like so much in 
Hermetic
> *initiation*, only reveals itself to your full understanding 
*when* you
> actually are engaged in the work itself (e.g., Jerry's recent 
post).
> When the intellectual refinement of a question needs to be pursued 
to
> the nth degree, it is often a sign that more time needs to be 
spent in
> the actual practice and that the information you're really hungry 
for
> will be found there, instead of in the intellectual explanation, no
> matter how concise it might be.
> 
> >> Fair Enough .If I hear you right what you are saying is that 
the real
> "inner voice" would *never* say "Kill" or "Dominate Others ". 
Underlying
> this there seems to be an assumption that there is a *Universal* 
system
> of values (and consequently "rights" and "wrongs"),irrespective of 
place
> ,time and situation. <<
> 
> What did you think Bardon's listing of the positive and negative
> characteristics was about if not a *universal* statement of 
positive
> BEing? We each however, *express and manifest* the Universal 
essence in
> our own unique ways within the temporal realm. We personalize the
> Universal. The point of initiation and of the character 
transformation
> specifically is to *consciously* manifest our personal expression 
of the
> Universal qualities of BEing.
> 
> >> a)the 'cultural difficulty' problem. I am an avid student of
> history. Consequently I am aware of how much of our "value system" 
is
> dependent on the cultural milieu in which we grow up. <<
> 
> How *you* feel *inside* is not rooted in your culture. It is 
*modified*
> by your culture, but the root is in *you* (i.e., the Individual 
Self).
> 
> >> b)the 'real world effectiveness' problem <<
> 
> I don't understand what you're trying to say here. If you think 
that
> the character transformation work is "fluffy bunny" or leads in 
some way
> to "fluffy bunnyness" then it is clear you are not talking from
> practical experience. I suggest that you focus on practice and 
see for
> yourself. The character transformation work anchors you very 
clearly in
> THIS world. :)
> 
> >> c)the "what do i do in practice" problem
> I think *in practice" at step one , <<
> 
> If this is what you *think* then try it out and see if it 
*works*. :)
> All of your speculations about what might or might not be possible 
have
> yet to be tested through experience. Hermetic *initiation* (as 
opposed
> to the intellectual study and speculation) is founded upon *your*
> *experience*.
> 
> My best to you,
> :) Rawn Clark
> 23 Jan 2005
> rawnclark@n...
> rawn@a...
> http://www.ABardonCompanion.com
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BardonPraxis
> http://E.webring.com/hub?ring=arionthebardonwe
> 
> 
> 
> 
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