Re: Doubts about the path

["David Yeh" <ldreamr@...>]

Hello,

--- In BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com, "Rawn Clark" <rawnclark@n...> 
wrote:
> Dear David,
> 
> I want to begin by suggesting that IIH is not the path for you. If
> after 5 months of involvement you express these sorts of doubts 
about
> the path you're pursuing then, to my mind at least, this is a pretty
> clear sign that you're not following a path that resonates with 
you. :)
> Perhaps Buddhism would be the better choice for you?

After ruminating a great deal today, I think I have realized a few 
things.

First of all, this is a pattern with me. I embark on a certain path 
(not just spiritual, but a pursuit or hobby) with great enthusiasm, 
enthusiasm which is based on the belief that through this path I will 
become a far better person than before -- better than anyone else, in 
fact. I have realized that this is based on deep-rooted self-pity 
and insecurity.

So, as such, I guess it has nothing to do with Bardon. Instead it 
has to do with my need to give my power away to something that I 
expect will endow me with superhuman ability, be it amazing psychic 
powers or enlightenment, in the easiest way possible. It has to do 
with my insecurity with myself where I am. The grass is always 
greener on the other side of the fence.

> Intellectual laziness and the making of assumptions that are based 
upon
> the most superficial of understandings is anathema to the pursuit 
of ANY
> path to enlightenment. In all of these statements I see gross
> misunderstandings of all the disciplines you've named.

ouch! Well, I WAS trying to elicit some constructive criticism. :)


> This leads to
> incorrect assumptions especially when you start comparing one poorly
> understood philosophy with another poorly understood philosophy.

well, that's very true.

> Within each of these statements I see a desire held by many folks --
the
> desire for an easy way that doesn't take any work. A way that is 
fully
> explained and which doesn't challenge the intellect, will,
> self-confidence, etc., at all. But such a path, were it to exist 
(and I
> can assure that it does NOT exist), would also be of absolutely no
> value. ANY path to enlightenment is a path strewn with hard work.
> Enlightenment itself is indeed infinitely simplistic but the path 
*to*
> enlightenment is complex and laborious.

I think one of the things that triggered this self-doubt for me is 
this: I was talking with friend of mine who is a Buddhist 
practitioner. We were talking about meditation, and I asked him 
about the necessity for a teacher. He said that in his opinion a 
teacher was absolutely essential for proper practice, because 
otherwise you are groping in the dark. That is when I became really 
concerned for my lack of guidance, and really insecure and faithless 
about my ability to guide myself.

Is this an issue, then? Do people with a teacher whom they can talk 
to in person every day or every week have an advantage over people 
who don't? ...

I suppose the question is (thinking out loud), why do I care if I am 
at a disadvantage, who am I trying to beat ... ?

I would like to say that I do feel that my feelings of being 
overwhelmed by the amount of information in Bardonian magic are 
valid. But I am realizing that the wealth of information and details 
to learn seems no less than, say, in Mahayana Buddhism. You are 
right Rawn, it's not really good to compare one poorly understood 
philosophy with another.

But herein lies the question: If I lack the wisdom to make a 
decision, and all of my previous decisions were based on personal 
desires rather than deep understanding, than how can I make a 
decision? It seems that I am always making choices that are ego-
driven and lacking all of the information. that's life right? Man. 
Acknowledging that all paths are equivalent in their essence but 
different in their flavors, does that mean choosing a path that seems 
right initially and then committing to it for at least a certain 
period of time, until I have learned enough to know? I've heard it 
said that one should achieve black belt rank in a single martial art 
before considering integrating any other fighting styles into their 
repertoire, in order to have a firm foundation and basis for good 
judgment. Might the same apply to the spiritual paths?


Thanks,
David