Re: Some problems i created

["amater_8" <izbezumljene_ovce@...>]

Kos, I know this is easy to say, but you should for start try to 
relax a little. Balance is very important in the work of IIH, and 
imho the fact that you tried to observe your thoughts "all the time" 
is what threw you out of it. Each of Bardon's exercises should be 
limited to specific time you have set for yourself, and only 
occasionally should it be performed in your mundane activities. Also, 
have you done other areas of the step (astral and physical)? It seems 
you are overdoing the mental part, which can only prevent you in 
advancing, or you will advance at the cost of your ballance (thats 
what your state of mind is all about). I think you should concentrate 
on the soul mirror and discover what it is that makes you unballanced.

--- In BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com, "kos_kou4" <kos_kou4@y...> wrote:
> Hello friends,
> 
> I started Bardon's course 5 months ago but it seems that I 
> misunderstood some things. When I was just doing the meditations 
> everything was ok but someday I read from these forums, and I 
> thought, that with step 1 exercises the mind will be controlled and 
> that I have allways to observe my thoughts. At the beginning 
> everything was ok but I also was convinced that "now I will control 
> my mind". One day I read in this forum that someone always has to 
> observe his thoughts. So, I decided to really force myself to 
always 
> observe my thoughts, I always had in my mind to observe my thoughts 
> and I , mentally not physically, didn't do anything else except 
> this. At the first day I was doing this it was ok, but in the 
> evening I noticed that I had a pain in my head, some difficulty in 
> concentration and I felt a little distand from everything. But I 
> thought that in the morning I will be ok. At the next morning I was 
> exactly the same and I had an anxious feeling and a real pressure 
> inside my head. I begun to get scared about this but I didn't stop 
> forcing myself to observe thoughts. At the end of that day the 
> symptoms was worse and I was observing myself to move,talk,walk but 
> it wasn't me that doing these. I was in a daze and I felt like 
> something dragging me from reality. So, while I was observing 
myself 
> doing things I started to think how am I doing these, how am I 
> walk?, think?, whats the process of thinking? and generally things 
> about how unconsious works. These thoughts made me really desperate 
> and anxious because they have no answer and I just seeing them 
> happening. I stopped to observe thoughts but it was out of control. 
> The other day I remember that I had this thought "it seems that 
from 
> now on I will be like this (a terrible force,pain inside my head, 
> very anxious and very distand from reality) because it had to be 
> like this, but I want to go back". When I saw that I couldn't go 
> back and I was in a situation that I couldn't escape from it I had 
> the strongest negative feeling I've ever had, a feeling of 
> insecurity, desparation and helpless, and I thought that I am mad. 
> After that I stopped Bardon's course and I was in this very 
> unconfortable situation for 3 days. At the end of that third day I 
> remember telling myself "this is nothing you just overdo it with 
> observing thoughts, you are very sensitive and that's why you felt 
> like this" and I was normal again! All the symptoms left in a 
second 
> and I was healthy again. I started Bardon's course again and for 1 
> month I was ok. But one day I had this thought "while taking 
> Bardon's course maybe someday discover that I have psychic 
abilities 
> of a phenomenal nature and that is a situation that I can never 
> escape from, like the other I had a month ago" and the symptoms 
just 
> came back but not so strong as the other time. I was in this 
> situation for 3 months. I was anxious, felt a force inside my head, 
> could't concentrate, felt like being in a daze, couldn't let myself 
> go something bothered me all the time, there was times that I 
> thought about unconsious work and I felt desparate, felt like 
trying 
> to control whatever I said and did and this made me to speak very 
> little and at nights before I sleep I sometimes felt that 
everything 
> is a lie and something drugging me somewhere. All these was untill 
> yesterday and today I went to a therapist and he told me that this
> (observing myself) was just a different kind of conciousness. But I 
> didn't expect to see this conciousness, I expected when I was 
> started to always observing my thoughts that I will have a change 
in 
> my personality that will last, to observe my thoughts. And that's 
> why when I felt like this(observing myself)I thought that was a 
> naturall situation,a change, that will last forever and not just an 
> another kind of consiousness. And it was from this that I thought 
> that there is no turning back from that really unconfortable 
> situation I was. I thought that I would have a change that will 
> last, this change was anxious and negative emotions, and 
subconsious 
> gave me these negative feelings as a change that will last. When I 
> understand this misunderstood of mine I was again ok, but I feel 
> oversensitive and afraid of changes.
> What I would really like from you please is to tell me your opinion 
> about these, what should I do and how real changes comes in this 
> course. Because if a change as psychic abilities comes to me as my 
> personality is now this will be really scary and catastrophic. Also 
> I can see that I can reach that state of consiousness very easily. 
> Is this state "a safeguard" from negative emotions and thoughts?
> 
> Thank you for your time