Lost the way?

["Martin" <martincosgrove@...>]

Hi everyone,

I have not posted a message here for quite some time (around six 
months I believe) and it is the reason(s) for this which prompts me 
to write now. I am in search of some support and guidance, but a 
good kick up the wotsit probably wouldn't go amiss either.

A little over a year ago, I received IIH and began work on Step One 
and for about six months I worked on the exercises and keenly 
followed the various discussions on this group. I had completed my 
soul mirrors, was working on the phyiscal exercises and had moved on 
to the third mental exercise which is where I felt I hit an impass. 
I reached a point of meditating at least twice a day (during my 
Summer holidays) and felt as if I would never progress with the 
emptiness of mind exercise. I remember making a hazy decision to 
just continue meditating without striving for any particular goal 
but then felt as if I had nothing to motivate me.

Then my exam results were published and I had something else to 
focus on (one of my main problems is that I do find it difficult to 
concentrate on more than one 'major' thing at a time - I have always 
shifted from one project to another and then back again.)

For about six months I concentrated on my teacher training course 
and any spiritual work was firmly pushed to the side. 

Now I suddenly feel I must refocus on my spiritual development and 
have had a strong urge to read about esoteric/spiritual topics. I am 
currently reading 'Hermetica' and 'The Book of the Sacred Magic of 
Abramelin the Mage'. Now, I don't know how much of a coincidence it 
is that my Christmas holidays have just begun...

My focus on my spiritual development seems to wax and wane in six 
month cycles and I do not know whether to accept this as the way 
things are or find a way to change it.

I do feel silly posting this message asking other people for advice 
on how to sort out my life, believe me, which is why I have left it 
so long.

I guess on a more practical note, one of the major problems is the 
fact that when I am teaching, I am tired when I come home and then 
have to prepare the next day's lessons and then just want to go to 
bed and if I tried to meditate then, I think I would just wind up 
falling asleep.

Also, if I do find a way of incorporating the practice of IIH into 
my life again, would you recommend starting again from scratch 
including the re-working of my soul mirrors?

Thank you in advance to anyone who has any suggestions or advice.

All the best,

Martin